Like a mental patient doing basket weaving.....

OH MY GOD.  I have made the revelation that I am BEYOND retarded.  No, I'm serious.  It's like a light has been shone in through the cavernous empty spaces that my brain SHOULD be residing in.  I have had an epiphany friends, and its name is LABELS....

Ok, for those of you who are like, " OK, WTH, where the heck have you been?  Vacationing off the French Riviera?  Who goes away for two months and then decides to just fly back in the door ranting and raving????"......the answer, is ME.

First off, the only time I actually blog is when my brain has hit idea capacity and freaking explodes all over the computer, otherwise it is forced and frankly not funny, not that I try to be funny, but anytime someone tells me I actually entertain them, it's by accident.  No, seriously.  And having no computer for two months kind of hinders the "creative process".  So I'll get all into that in a moment.

We have finally moved into our own place in early December; not that living it up at Hotel NaNa wasn't fun, but we finally hit that point, like that last level in a video game: that last final big Boss, and his name was Credito MALOOOOO...well a quick one-two melee with my bank account and catching every coin he farted out when I destroyed him has officially gotten us back in the land of Holding your KeepVille.  So we got a place that fits me, HusbandMan, Little One, and Dog and Cat.  I get an office, he gets a mancave, and Little One gets a TV and his own Wii.  It all works out.  In the weeks following it has been slowly setting up the office, and I finally got my computer up and running.  In the meantime, random thoughts have been scribbled on my tablet and now they make no sense.  So the next few weeks are going to be a pile up of all the things I've wanted to blog about, but haven't had the chance because I'm weird and won't set up in a room that isn't in "ideal environmental conditions".  I had to wait for a desk, because a laptop on a folding table that moves throughout the house and served as the dining table every night was a little distracting.

I realize I sound like a manic mental patient who just figured out how to basketweave...but there's a lot of thoughts bumping and grinding against each other in the nightclub that is my head(maybe that's why it's so dark up there...)

That may have been harsh, the whole retard thing.  While I did vow not to put a disclaimer on what I said, I do realize I have a slight case of Word Vomit.  This is a real condition that actually removes the filter that I had surgically implanted that stops me from saying stupid shit at the wrong time.  Word Vomit is a virus that actually wedges the filter out of alignment, letting little sentences slip...nothing damaging, but just enough to get someone to looks at you sideways and wonder if you ran out of medication this morning.

A few examples of my word vomit:

1. In college, it was frightfully cold one day, and I was running late as usual.  I was stuck parking all the way in the back of the way back parking lot-you know, the one that's really two parking lots away- my thighs were freaking Popsicles, because when you're in college you have no ass or hips so you wear things like low rise flares with a cute barely covering sweater and a huge marshmallow puffy jacket - open - so as to not to look "fat".  Why didn't our mothers slap us?  Anyway...I finally get to the grand staircase that leads to my biology class, and I see it; it sees me, and I immediately scoff and say F that.  To my right, a bank of elevators.  Hellooo laziness!  Still shivering, I'm stuck in the elevator with Random Guy, so since I'm allergic to keeping my mouth shut, "ugh, it is WAY too cold out, I am totally not doing the stairs today."

"Oh, I know, me either, I just do NOT feel like it."  Look down-the guy has no legs and he's in a wheelchair, smiling.  Ten points to you, Sir, for a well-played move, but I'm going to go die now...

2. College, part 2: Walking down the hallway, I'm talking to a friend and she's gently pulling my shirt to bring me closer to her.  Deep in my book that I am reading aloud from, I pay no attention, until she yanks me closer to her, and out of the way.  Finally I look up, and say, "WHAT?!?!?"  She points to someone coming my way, very close, and I quickly get out of the way.  I look back down at the book and Friend in embarrassment, I start apologizing sincerely, "Oh God, I'm so sorry I am blind..."  I immediately get a slap upside the head from Friend, and I look at her like "WHAT THE HELL NOW?!??!?"  She points...the person whose way I was in....is wielding a very long, obvious seeing cane.  Derp.

Just two of the many, many word vomit encounters, although I am pretty sure those are the only ones I've verbally accosted handicapped people.  I think the rest are emotional scarring and severely bad timing on my part, maybe I'll dedicate one post to just the random Word Vomit instances. 


Anyway, the point; I have a lot of catching up to do, and I finally figured out how to make labels on my blog.  This is the same girl who has been pulling her hair out over the # thingy people put on their Facebook posts, they're on commercials now, and I have NO EFFING clue what the hell it means.  I even had a veteran geek explain it to me.  I now speak Latin, but still don't know what the hell that number sign does to enhance your words, especially when you jumble them together to make it harder to read, such as #Ithinkimtheonlypoormotherefferwhodoesntknnowwhattheshitthismeans.  When I asked, she said it is meant to categorize when she's talking about one subject versus another.  My eyes crossed.  I am hoping to understand one day.  In the meantime, I am sort of on my way; you see, I have learned what Labels are!  Labels, you put on the end of your blogs, so you can categorize them all!  Remember when I posted about how if given the chance I'd probably write 4,672 different blogs if I were to keep all the subjects separate?  No longer!  I'm like the Sham-Wow guy over this; now I can write about all kinds of stuff and it will all be in one place, rather than one long blog you have to scroll down, aaaaaaand apparently to inaugurate it, I have written a post that points to nowhere....and goes in four different directions, so I am sorry about that.  But have no fear!  With this label crap it will not happen again!  YAY!  All the crafty stuff, the goofy stuff, and the food stuff!  I can't contain my happiness!